I really am so last in this world of people and stuff...yes stuff, that is what i will call everything that has me crazed! haha
K so seriously someone needs to snap me out of it! I have been in this daze, and I dont know how to get out..I never want to talk or hangout with people, i THINK that i still want to be with Steve but then I know that I dont..but I can not get myself to let go. ugh...I want to go to the top of a mountain and scream!!!! yes that is what i want to do! Althought I know it wont take anything away..but maybe it will clear some of the fog! Also I keep pushing people away or just wont let them in...maybe I am afraid, or feel like i am not worth getting to know...and that i have nothing to offer.. I really would love to skip the next 2 years and see what my life has become..I want to be grown up, I really do. But my family will not let me. They dont see how i feel, especially my mom, as much as I love her. She just wants her kids to stay babies forever, and in a way i will always be her baby, but I need my own life. I am not going to be one of her kids that stays home forever til i get married...it is okay for some people, but not me. I know that will not solve anything but i really feel like that is what I should do..I dont care if I will have more responsibility or payments...that does not bother me, cause isn't that what happens when you grow up..
So i am rambling to no one else but myself but its okay because I feel like I am talking to someone! This is pretty much what I do when I pray as well..in my head I can not focus or come up with anything, so when I write it out then I can put things together! So a lot of times when I need to talk to heavenly father because i am lost I will write it all out and then do it that way because otherwise I talk in circles! not saying that I dont anyways!:)
Well back to my confusion! It is hard for me to find attraction to anyone at this point, and maybe it is becuase I am not ready and dont need to be in a relationship at this time! Which I am completely okay with. I am happy nonetheless with all that is going on in my head! I dont need anyone/guy to make me happy. not to sound like I am all high and mighty but my friends will do...for now! :) okay well I think I am done venting to myself now! good day!
2 comments:
Rhayna you seriously just explained everything i was going through for a few months. Honestly prayer is the best thing ever for you it helped me and I'm not saying move to Utah but it defiantly gave me clarity being up here and if ya ever need to talk I'm here cause i know how you feel!
haha I didn't know you left a comment like forever ago. I had no idea anyone could in the first place or where to leave one or to check themlol. Can't you tell I am still new?
How are you holding up sis???
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